We have forgiven but not forgotten – Agent Orange victims ask for better lives

by Maricla Pannocchia

“The progressive people of the world must speak up together so that war using nuclear and chimical weapons will never be repeated. Future generations and our children and grandchildren shall live in peace and happiness to contribute more to the progress of mankind”

(Prof. Nguyen Thi Ngoc Phuong, People Doctor, Deputy Head of VAVA)

Vietnam, October 2022

Yesterday I met a woman one year younger than me. She can not talk or do anything for herself. Her parents have to take care of her everyday needs. Her name is Than Tra and she is one of the victims of Agent Orange (AO) I have met during my trip to Vietnam.

“She isn’t a serious case”, her father told me, “Her siblings (who died shortly after birth) were much worse, with their arms and legs all tangled”.

These words hit me. I looked at this woman and could not help but think I could have been her.

Famiglia Cambogiana

I have travelled to Vietnam to better understand the Vietnam War (or the “American War”, as most people call it here). Being from Italy, it wasn’t a topic I’ve often heard detailed information about. We didn’t really cover it in History lessons in school. That is why I didn’t know anything about Agent Orange before doing my research on the topic while I was in Cambodia, still trying to scrape my thoughts together about the genocide in the country.

My first thought has been: how can human beings be so cruel to each other? I had just felt so much pain and horror walking in some of the Cambodian genocide fields and meeting various survivors that I didn’t know how to really make sense of something different, yet equally cruel.

Agent Orange is a chemical herbicide and defoliant used by the U.S. military on South Vietnam between 1961-1971, during the Vietnam War. The government of Vietnam says about 3 million people have been exposed to the lasting and devastating effects of Agent Orange while the Red Cross of Vietnam says that about 1 million people have experienced health issues linked to Agent Orange exposure. Many U.S. military veterans, as well as their relatives, have also been affected by AO with cases of leukemia, Hodgking’s lymphoma and other types of cancer striking this part of the American population much more than others. Even though TCDD (the most toxic of dioxins) was found as a small percentace in Agent Orange it was significant enough to contaminate it. Dioxin, beside being a highly toxic chemical substance, is also very resistant for long time in both the environment and the human bodies. I asked one of VAVA (Vietnam Association for Victims of Agent Orange/Dioxin)  representatives if Vietnamese women getting pregnant today can be sure their newborn babies will be healthy and she said, “No”.

This really makes you realize how resistant dioxin is and how it still impacts the lives of so many people both in Vietnam and in the other countries involved in the war. The way an human body reacts when exposed to dioxin may vary but scientists have noted different common issues such as cancer, respiratory diseases, diseases of blood and blood producing organs, congenital malformation and cardiovascular diseases, just to name a few, in those affected.

In the decade between 1961 and 1971 the U.S. military and its allies sprayed about 80 million liters of dioxin-containing herbicides, releasing 366 kg of dioxin compounds into the environment of South Vietnam. Just to better understand the impact of dioxin, we must know that when it was sprayed on a forest it destroyed every type of vegetation and the soil quickly got barren. The situation also had a bad impact on animals and on the agricoltural industry. Even today, toxic chemicals/dioxins are still affecting the environment of the country.

I have reached out to VAVA because I wanted to better understand the lives of Vietnamese people affected by Agent Orange and they welcomed me with such a willingness and kindess that I do not take for granted. I’ve spent some time with two families supported by VAVA. The first family was made by two elderly parents and three adult children. The older child, a woman, is healthy while the other kids have been affected by Agent Orange. One of them, 46 years old Dang Xuan Troung, has severe mental disability and a bit of deformity. “All our children have families, except him”, his mother told me.

Famiglia Cambogiana

We have entered the small, humble yet dignified home of this family after going up a flight of stairs. “Be careful, there is no elecricity” one of VAVA rapresentatives said. I remember thinking, “How can they face all these stairs without even proper lighting? How do they do it at night?”. My idea is that these people don’t get out much. We have been welcomed in such a lovely way from the family. They had prepared something to drink and asked us to sit around the table. When I am about to talk with people who are, or have been, facing such hardships I always get a bit nervous because I quickly need to find the “right” way to ask sensitive questions, often with the added problem of the language barrier. I always feel so grateful for the way these people are willing to share their life experiences with me. This family told me their story. Both parents were in the military, and I was particularly fascinated by the woman’s role. She seemed a bit shy about it, like she didn’t think what she has done could be seen as anything special because, back then, going into the military was mandatory for men and, even though it was voluntary for women, most females went so I guess she thinks she has just done her duty.

“Life in the military was very hard for everyone”, she said, “But for women it was particularly harsh. Despite that, everyone went to the battlefield”.

They both were affected by Agent Orange when Americans sprayed it all lover South Vietnam, but they didn’t immediately link their poor health conditions with having been exposed to dioxin. The parents and Dang Xuan Troung have had their health affected by 80% but it was only when the government imposed some tests on those who have been in contact with Agent Orange that they could finally explain what they were going through.

After the war, the husband left the military and started working in transport. The government also supported them. He now has had to have three surgeries and can not work anymore. As this is the story of a single family, one of VAVA representatives told me that, in that district alone, there are 76 Agent Orange victims.

Before we left, I asked them what they would like to say to the readers of this article. The woman talked. She looked straight into my eyes and, even though I could not comprehend a word of what she said, I felt I could understand what she meant. “Everything has been a consequence of the war. No one wants that. We as a family are living a little better than other people. Since this is a consequence of the war, I think we all should help the victims intragrate and I also think the American government should take responsibility for this. It should help us to have better lives”.

And then, I asked the question that sticked with me from the moment in which a Vietnamese man in Ho Chi Minh City told me something about the war: “We have forgiven but not forgotten”. Have you forgiven? The husband replied: “Yes, we have forgiven”.

I looked at these dignified people. The couple is really old, she’s about 75 years old and he’s in his eighties. They have spent most of their lives dealing with the effects of Agent Orange not only on them but, most sadly, on two of their children. The house itself is small and humble, even though it’s easy to see they try their best to make it welcoming and comfortable, a place to call home. I looked into the man’s eyes and asked him: “Are you happy?”

“Our country has a lot of difficulties, so we have to overcome this”.

Before we said goodbye, we took a few pictures together and then we touched hands and I genuinly, deeply thanked them for having allowed me into their lives and for entrusting me with their words. When we were outside a VAVA representative told me, “It was very nice because you are Italian. Some families shout against Americans”. That lead me to think about forgivness. Maybe forgiving can be easy but keeping that decision must sometimes be so hard. I told her I think these people wouldn’t be human to never fail for that, yet I think if I were American I wouldn’t have felt any different about the topic (or, maybe, I would have felt even worse) so it should not be about countries and nationalities but about people talking with each other. That’s exactly what the father of the second family we met said and I think it takes so much courage for someone like him to get to a point where you know there have been some people who have damaged you and your kids so much that no amount of money or level of punishment would ever fix that, yet he said: “If I met an American man during the war I would have shot him but now I would see us as two people. Our countries have a good relationship now. Americans are innocent to me now. I haven’t forgotten but I have forgiven.”

The consequences of toxic chemicals/dioxin to human health are so harsh that is hard to write them down and not to immediately think about the people I met during my days in Hanoi or those I only knew through their stories being displayed at the War Remnant Museum in Ho Chi Minh City. I have seen many pictures there. Some were touching and others more graphic but, among them all, I was struck by one. It is the photo of a lovely young woman with a big smile. I first thought she was very nice, and she was even smiling, then I read the caption under the display.

The young woman’s name is Nguyen Thin Menh and she is 21 years old. She spends her days in a cage-like-enclousure because otherwise she’d try to chew anything on her reach. The most “human” moment happens when she reaches out for her father’s hand as she can recognize him. The father was diagnosed with an illness linked to the dioxin from Agent Orange as he came back home from the battlefield during the Vietnam War. Think about yourself and your life and try to see how many things you missed out if you were forced to spend your whole life in what it looks and feels like a cage. Think about your children in that situation. That is Nguyen Thin Menh’s reality every single day and she is just one of the many millions of victims of Agent Orange. In Vietnam, 150.000 children were born with deformities because their parents have been exposed to toxic chemicals/dioxins.

There are so many stories we could talk about. Le Dinh Tung lives in a vegetative state from 30 years, 4 out of the 7 children of Mr. Mai Giang Vu, who had to spray defoliants in Long An, died because of the effects of toxic chemicals from their father, conjoined twins Viet and Duc were that way because of the area in which they were born, who was sprayed over with Agent Orange during the war. I think it’s important to remember that not only Vietnamese people were and are affected by dioxin but many of the veterans of various countries who took part in the Vietnam War had and often still have to go through serious diseases and health problems as well as genetical conditions. This often concerns also the veterans’ children or grandechildren. John Ball, for instance, was born with a disability because of his father’s exposure to Agent Orange.

We met the second family in a humble home. The first person I saw was someone who looked like a young girl, but I would later find out she’s a woman just one year younger than me. She must have heard our voices because she peeked through the ajar door. We entered the house, and the father welcomed us. He was an old man wearing what it looked like a traditional shirt. We all sat down around a table, and I was sitting right in front of the woman. Her name is Than Tra. I always ask for names, even if they often are hard for me to transcribe correctly and I have to ask for a native speaker’s help, but I think that is fundamental. A name gives a person an identity, it is like shouting: “I am here, I exist!”

The father told me he was a soldier during the war, and he has been affected by dioxine/AO when the conflict ended. He had fought for 8 or 9 years in the area close to the Cambodian border. He later came back to his home and got married. The couple had children, but things didn’t go as planned as 3 of them died at birth. They all had been affected by Agent Orange. They had other two kids, a healthy one who had just graduated and can’t find a job yet, and Than Tra. As her father spoke, the woman giggled, and it was clear she was not really there with her mind. When a VAVA representative asked me, “Do you want to ask them something?” as I did with the previous family I told her I was short of words because, even though I had seen various pictures of people affected by Agent Orange, including those on display at the War Remnant Museum in Ho Chi Minh City, that was my first time actually meeting someone whose life has been completely ruined by Agent Orange.

Than Tra’s situation is not the way it is because of an act of God but because of the evil in mankind. I told the father I’m so close to Than Tran in age and that it was just a chance if I wasn’t his daughter and I’ve had all the possibilities I have been given. He nodded and said nothing. He then went on saying that life is hard for the family because no one works. His wife used to work but she had to stop to care for their kids and the money the government gives to families like his is not enough for all these people to have a dignified life.

When I asked him what he would like to say to the people who will be reading this article, he replied: “I don’t know what to say. These are consequences of the war and there is a need for responsibility towards its victims. They must be helped to get better lives. Our governement has a policy caring about this but it’s not enough for those families like ours in which there are many people.” I asked him if he has forgiven and, though he doesn’t know the members of the first family I met, he gave the same answer: “The relationship between America and Vietnam is better now. Americans must take responsibility for Agent Orange victims for them to be intragrated into society both in Vietnam and in the U.S.”.

I really admire these people for having the strenght to be able to forgive. I am not sure I could, and I also can’t help but think they have no other choice than dwell into resentmenet and hatred. Yet I couldn’t help looking at Than Tran, sitting in front of me, looking up in the air, touching her hands – her father told me one of her hands is paralyzed – and giggling by herself. The father told me he can understand her even though she is non-verbal and she can do the same with him. Nobody else can really understand her. I said to one of VAVA representatives that I would have liked to ask Than Tra if she has forgiven. Her life has been taken away by Agent Orange. She is technically alive but she’s a grown woman who can’t do anything on her own. I looked at her and I saw a lot of missed possibilities. What would Than Tran be able to give us if Agent Orange hadn’t impacted her life? I guess we will never know. One of VAVA representatives told me, “You can ask her, but she can’t reply”. I said, “I know that. I just think it would be interesting, and human, to be able to somehow get into her heart, inside her soul, to see how much she can feel and comprehend and to know if she somehow knows that this is not how life is supposed to be”.

As the father told me his daughter is never present, like she doesn’t know where we are, what we do and so on, when we had to leave a VAVA representative and I said goodbye to her. She looked at us and said, “Goodbye”. Yet she is not present. Who knows if she knows the truth and if, deep down, she can somehow come to terms with it all.

I also talked with another woman, 37 years old Tran Thin Hoan, who could’t meet me in person in Ho Chi Minh City due to work so we had a videocall on WhatsApp. Tran is exactly my age, such a bright and bubbly person and maybe that is also because she is particularly happy, being 4 months pregnant. She was born without legs and without one hand as both her parents were affected by dioxin. “They weren’t in the military”, she explained, “They were villagers”.

At the beginning, she didn’t know why she was born without both legs and one hand as people in her village believed that, when a child is born with a deformity, there is something bad with the family’s past lives. As a child, she wasn’t allowed to go to school because the teachers were afraid she’d get hurt playing with the other kids and it wasn’t until when she was 18 years old that there was a wedding celebration in the neighbor’s house and she asked her brother to accompany her. Once there, she met a journalist from the city who was also working with a youth newspaper. He introduced her to the Peace Village and talked with her parents to explain them what that center is about. “I was very sad the first time I had to leave my family in our village in the mountains” Tran said, “I cried a lot. Once in school, however, I felt better. I was happier. My parents came to Peace Village during summer and other holidays so to bring me back to my home village for a few days”.

Tran has also graduated from school, is now working and is about to get married. I sincerly congratulated her and she blossomed. I then asked her if her future husband has been affected by Agent Orange too and she said, “No, he is healthy”. Since she is now expecting a baby – “she’ll be a girl, our first daughter” – she of course has felt terribly worried, especially at the beginning of the pregnancy, that the little girl may have any issues. Thanks to developments in medicines, though, today is possible to have tests and scans and doctors told Tran and her future husband to stay happy and positive because tests didn’t reveal anything wrong with their baby girl. Despite that, it is hard for Tran not to be concern, “The doctors told me I don’t have to think about it too much because it can cause me stress and that wouldn’t be good for the baby”.

I also asked her about forgiveness, and she said, “Yes, I have forgiven. I have had the chance to go to the U.S. 4 or 5 times and I have been very welcomed by many people. I have friends over there, including lawyers, who did and are doing all they can to support us victims and I also met many American veterans. They shook my hand and said, “I am sorry”. They were sorry for me and for all the people who have to go through something similar, but I am not angry at them. This is all a consequence of the war but back then these people didn’t really know what they were doing. They simply obeyed an order coming from the government. I think it’s the government who should be held accountable because these men didn’t have any idea about the consequences of what they were doing. The U.S. government has tried to give us some help, as well as many veterans did and are still doing, and I really appreciate that. The help given to us by the U.S. government, though, is not enough. I feel like they want to help but don’t want to admit their responsibilities”.

“We all are living in peace now”, Tran went on, “During my trips to the U.S. I also met family members of the veterans that, like some veterans themselves, have been affected by Agent Orange. I think it’s important to support all dioxine/AO victims in Vietnam, in the U.S. and in any other country”.

During all these years, various steps have been taken and words put into action to support those affected by Agent Orange yet, as I have heard first hand from the families I met, for many victims that is still not enough. I was blown away by the display at the War Remnant Museum, who showed how various people affected by Agent Orange found ways to earn money and to live interesting lives. I think this is so important to point out because it is so easy to feel sorry for these people, and we should, but it’s also key to remember that, in many cases, with a bit of help and encouragement, these people could do much more than what could seem possible, and they could go on and live lives worth living.

Mr. Nguyen Son Lam, AO/dioxin victim of second generation, is the Chairman of Shining Education Joint Stock Company in Hanoi while Mr. Nguyen Cong Hung has become great at IT despite his severe disability and Tran Thin Hoan herself, the pregnant woman to whom I spoke a few days ago, shows us how it is possible to thrive despite disability. These are just three examples of human beings who encarnate the true meaning of the word “survivor”. However, for any of the victims who are able to live a happy and dignified life there sadly are many others that simply can not do that because of lack of money and opportunities and also because of the severity of their disability. I can’t help but think about how many lives we have lost because of dioxin/Agent Orange. How many souls we are grieving while their bodies are technically still alive.

With no real hope to see accountability anytime soon, we can’t help but focus on another type of responsibility. The one we all bear. We all are human beings, and it doesn’t matter where we come from, what our parents or grandparents did or even what we did in the past.

We must look forward now. And we must do it together.

With a scenary of friendship and a williness of fighting together to better support Agent Orange victims, Vietnam and the U.S. are already offering the ideal base for all of us to play a part for these people to be integrated into the society they live in and to allow them to live interesting, purposeful lives.

I will never stop feeling grateful for having had the chance to meet these people and to hear their stories. I remember those eyes and the good in them. All soldiers, after a certain point, realize that wars and fights are unuseful and dangerous and lay down their swords. That is when soldiers become heroes.

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